Why do we blame victims?
It seems when most tragedies happen we hear at least one voice saying something that sounds, well, inappropriate. A Rape? Well, you know…did you see what she was wearing? A fire? If they kept the place picked up, it wouldn’t have happened. A bicyclist being deliberately run off the road? Cyclists are annoying. They need to just not ride that road. A car break in? Well they had items in view just begging to be taken.
Are we really this heartless? Do we really look at hurting people and say, “Serves you right!” I acknowledge there are people out there who are so hurting themselves, yes, they do wish to inflict further pain to the situation. I don’t think that’s true of most.
So why do we do this? Here’s what I think: We’re trying to preserve a sense of safety and control in our own lives. I see people who live on the edge of fear for what they cannot control or attribute reasonable cause to. If I can say you were harmed because you did something foolish, then I can conclude that I’m safe because I don’t do that foolish thing. I can create the illusion of a tidy reason that no action is needed from me. In doing so, I help evil to thrive.
When did it become OK to rape an attractive woman because she’s alone and it’s late at night? When did it become OK to steal the contents of a car because the contents were in view? When did it become OK to harm a cyclist because, well, I just don’t like them?
We have gotten into this dangerous habit of dismissing situations that need attention by attributing blame to the victim. We need to stop being desperate to preserve that fake bubble of it-won’t-happen-to-me. We need to stop giving evil a pass.
A story is currently unfolding in Alabama where the murderer of an unborn child appears to be getting let off the hook because the mother provoked the argument that lead up to the other woman shooting her. The mother is charged with her baby’s death although it was the other woman who shot her. They haven’t weighted out of the mother will be prosecuted yet. Do we agree with the voice that says the mother brought this on herself? That a pregnant woman knows better than to stir up trouble? When did it become OK to shoot somebody because their words were upsetting to you?
To acknowledge both that we SHOULD be safe from being shot by someone who doesn’t like our opinions/words/protests, and that we indeed are not safe from this evil is scary. It’s messy. It means we have a much greater problem on our hands that frankly, we’re not good at solving.
Will we stop blaming victims to pretend we’re safer than we really are?
